* What's the capital of Iceland ?
About £3.50.
* How do you define optimism?
A banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday.
*What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?
The pizza can still feed a family of four.
*What's the difference between an investment banker and a pigeon?
The pigeon can still leave a deposit on a new Ferrari.
*The credit crunch has helped me get back on my feet.
The car's been repossessed.
*What do you say to a hedge fund manager who can't sell anything?
A Quarter-pounder with fries, please.
You know it's a credit crunch when...
• The cashpoint asks if you can spare any change.
• There's a 'buy one, get one free' offer - on banks.
• HMRC is offering a 25 per cent discount to anyone who can pay.
• Gordon Brown has stopped chewing his nails and started sucking his thumb.
• Your builder asks to be paid in Zimbabwean dollars rather than sterling.
And finally...
*Gordon Brown, Alistair Darling and Peter Mandelson are flying to a world economic summit. Peter looks at Alistair and chuckles: 'You know, I could throw a £50 note out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.'
Alistair shrugs his shoulders and says: 'Well, I could throw five £10 notes out of the window and make five people very happy.'
Gordon says: 'Of course, but I could throw ten £5 notes out of the window and make ten people very happy.'
The pilot rolls his eyes, looks at all of them, and says: 'Listen, how about if I throw all of you out of the window and make the whole country happy.'
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